To be continued?

This blog isn't over but its purpose has been deflated as such as I find myself in a state of much less anxiety and a need to document my days. Less sleep also adds to the issue as writing seems like a luxury I once had to do whenever I wanted. I find the most time I have now is when I'm feeding Ryden. This takes up approximately 6 waking hours and me needing something to do while dozing off. So blogging may live on but I should be moving forward instead and finding resources to keep my mind in the game, attached to the outside world.


Posted in: on November 13, 2010 at at 6:11:00 AM 0 comments  

We have achieved baby!


YouTube Video

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Posted in: on October 9, 2010 at at 2:41:00 PM 0 comments  

Day 1-11

Oh man.

So much has happened in the last week that I feel this post is not only tardy but will never be able to cover the overwhelming amount of emotion, and events that have flown in and out. My life has flipped inside out and the ride isn't even near over. Testing your true strength is the name of the new game and I have been tested from every possible angle.
The birth went great, as best as births could go as I got a healthy baby out of the deal and I made it out in one piece. Ryden arrived at 6:30pm on Saturday night, October 2nd which was his due date. It was a one day affair, when I started to labor at about 1am and had Cam massaging my back until 1pm until I finally gave up and accepted the epidural. It was a beautiful and magical drug but I felt like I was letting myself down by taking it. There was no way to progress without it though, I was in desperate need of a rest. The end had not yet been predicted. As my designated OB was unavailable, I was working with a slew of wonderful nurses and a different OB, a woman who more or less already had a lot of patients on her plate that day. A few procedures were done in order to speed me up which were all hard to fight against in my position. The baby was in no danger, but my amniotic sac had ruptured Friday afternoon, so time was of the essence when it came down to my risk of infection. My cervix was not behaving due to a small bit of scar tissue which would not efface with the rest of the tissue and solving this problem took the team much longer than anticipated to resolve. If it hadn't been for that scar tissue, which was the byproduct from a procedure I had had two years prior to remove squamous cells, Ryden would have been out in 6 hours tops, drug free. Despite that the process took much longer, and put everyone through more exhaustion, nothing beats the moment when Ryden was suddenly evicted and I was reminded 5 times to open my eyes to see him for the first time. It's a pure wonder of science that I was able to create the organism put on my chest who then started to emit a cry. I looked up and saw Cam crying and the hyper reality of the situation hit my brain and all I could do was stare at this new being and think "God, I did it!"

When it comes down to recounting the greatest moments of your life, I cannot think of an event that seemed like such an impossible journey to seeing such a welcome outcome like giving birth to perfect, breathing, adorable Ryden. I feel I need to put this momentous deed on my resume, outlining the steps taken to achieve the goal, bulletpointing the challenges I faced and lastly, pulling through to the end of the deadline. Such achievement! Of course, I shouldn't be giving myself all the credit. Not only did Cam do his fair share of labor, but all of the wonderful nurses who were on shift that night who waited on us hand and foot to make sure we were doing ok. My amazing sister who showed up early expecting a birth only to hang around for hours and hours and eventually have to participate in the action by holding my legs up for when I had to push! And my supportive mother who showed up just in time to cheer me on (much to the nurses' annoyance) when it down to the prime moment. There is no way I could have done it on my own.

But wait, theres more! Not only do I feel at the top of the world for creating a baby, but now we get to raise him too! It's almost like I hadn't thought this far into the future. When Cam and I finally had to leave our resort-like hospital accommodation, we were giddy at the fact that we were able to put this new being in our car and drive away. An odd feeling that the car seat that we'd installed weeks ahead of time was finally being used and its purpose skyrocketing into dutiful action.

Ryden didn't say much about the beautiful nursery we'd prepared for him or the adorable clothes we put him in. He really wanted to sleep and for the first couple of nights, Cam and I had to rouse him in order to feed or change a diaper. It swung differently soon after when Ry took the wheel and let his attendees know when he needed attention. The work is no doubt demanding but rewarding every time we see Ry's little face looking so placid in his sleep.
Ryden has forced us to slow down. We ponder a bit more, when feeding him, soothing him and rocking him. My hormones are ramped up to 11 and sometimes I can be deep in thought looking at him and burst into tears. The sound of a heartbeat from the baby noise app on my iphone can also emit a gush as I think about him listening to my heart his whole existence to this point and me listening to his throughout the entire birth process on the monitors. Such an intimate sound it is to me now. Cam is calm and understanding through of all this which makes us a very happy team and we couldn't feel closer together than we do now.

Posted in: on October 7, 2010 at at 7:22:00 PM 1 comments  

The Plan!

Alright kids, I know a lot of you have specific dates and flights and agendas but unfortunately, Ryden never got the memo.

What we hope will be a timely delivery on the 2nd of October, I predict that he will emerge later than that, all bets aside. Therefore, a plan has been devised while my cervix is sealed up tighter than a hobbit door buried in a lava tube.
If the weekend comes and goes, and no amount of spicy food or swimming helps my progression, I will be going in for an ultrasound on the 5th to make sure my fluid is in plentitude and that Ry is still doing ok. If that is the case, I will see my OB again on Friday the 8th and if Ry still isn't wanting to budge than the inducement is scheduled for the 11th. My doc won't be available on 10-10-10 so its up to Ry if he wants that particularly special birth date.
Meanwhile, speaking of swimming, I hadn't done that for awhile up until today. Turns out, there is a swimming pool walking distance from the house! Of course I looked into season passes and swimming lessons for Ryden (he can start at 6 months). The facility is spartan with no lockers and a broken vending machine but the pool was large, clean and EMPTY. My goodness, I had no idea how buoyant I was! I could just float on my back without moving and still float which I have never been able to do! I swam some laps but mostly just floated around until the paranoia creeped upon me that I might be making the lifeguards nervous. Afterwards, upon leaving the facility, I couldn't help but to notice how much stronger gravity was today. Maybe the Earth's spinning bumped up a notch?

Posted in: on September 30, 2010 at at 1:17:00 PM 1 comments  

FYI

The Hospital I plan to end up at:

http://www.providence.org/oregon/facilities/hospitals/providence_portland/default.htm

Blurb on the Maternity Center:

More than 2,800 babies are born at Providence Portland Medical Center each year, and the staff sees each birth as a unique and special event. Providence Portland gives each family a private, safe, spacious and thoughtfully designed haven in which to welcome their new baby. Jacuzzi tubs, nurse-provided comfort measures, and 24-hour anesthesia coverage are available for laboring mothers. After giving birth, each mom can relax in one of our postpartum suites, knowing she will receive the best of care in a quiet, family-centered environment. Babies may be kept at the bedside in the suites, and fathers are welcome to stay overnight.

However, about the same distance away is this swanky spread:

The Family Maternity Center at Providence St. Vincent Medical Center is the largest birth center in Oregon. More than 6,000 babies are born here each year. Services include an award-winning Level III neonatal intensive care unit, 24-hour anesthesia coverage, 24-hour parent education programs televised on the hospital Baby Channel, the Postpartum Care Center for moms and infants, and a Breastfeeding Clinic and Store staffed by certified lactation consultants. For medically fragile infants, the Providence NICU is staffed by full-time neonatologists and specially trained nurses, pharmacists and respiratory therapists. This is the only NICU in Washington County.

Pretty exciting!

Posted in: on September 26, 2010 at at 9:27:00 PM 0 comments  

I quit my job

Its a bit disheartening to walk out of a job you've attended and thrown yourself into for the last few years without much hurrah. No cake, no flowers but then again, this is life. A couple hugs were had and then I headed out the back door. Sometimes I expect so much as I was always the one to be obsessed with buying cupcakes for someones birthday or celebrating someones long standing employment with a big signed banner. I know that I held an important role and the knowledge and repore I have gained from the company is rich and memorable history now. I'm really happy its been had and done.

Cam and I headed over to Babies R' Us which I thought would be a fun activity to jump start our new upcoming life. He had been given a cute surprise baby shower at his workplace and his adorable workmates had stocked him up on clothes, toys and a carrying backpack that we already had a duplicate of! They are pricey items, the backpacks, and Cam was very apologetic that we already owned one but promised he would swap it with something just as fun.
So at the Babies, we browsed around but soon fell into an overwhelmed state. The amount of plastic and cheaply made overpriced goods dragged my spirit down and eventually walked out of the store with nothing. Rampant consumerism is something that most of the time I can get quite excited about but when you boil down to the nuts and bolts of what I need to raise a tiny human, I don't need a lot. Over time, he will collect a lot of things but as of right now, he can already count himself very lucky with all the amazing stuff we have.
I am just ready to mother. I've been done preparing for a long time. When I think of the 180 my life will take to do this, I get ecstatic. I consider this venture the most extreme I have ever tried and am determined to be the best at it. I still have never changed a diaper and I was never a good babysitter but this is a game I'll win and will do it with ease.
7 days left!

Posted in: on September 24, 2010 at at 7:08:00 PM 2 comments  

I have captured him on video!


Ryden likes strawberry yogurt.

Posted in: on September 22, 2010 at at 9:57:00 PM 2 comments  

Two weeks left!




Cam is very excited about the Dr. Who suit we found for Ryden today :D

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Location:N Arlington Pl,Portland,United States

Posted in: on September 18, 2010 at at 10:30:00 PM 0 comments  

How do Newborns work?



Our class tonight was fantastic. I wasn't expecting much. How to wrap and bathe a baby were the skills I was expecting to walk away with. It was a 4 hour class though so we had to cover a couple of other things at least.
Needless to say, Cam and I are better people now and will certainly be better parents. Besides the old VHS videos, the class was upbeat and full of useful information. Initially, we were asked what we were concerned the most with when having a child. We gave a vague answer about establishing routine and the overall experience. What I really wanted to say was much more selfish concerns such as the birth itself and our financial state once I stop working. Better answers that other couples had were the concern with crying, handling in-laws, managing poop, ect. Once everyone had answered, Cam chimed in with the relationship itself with your partner. A good concern but I'm sure we'll have no problem on that front. However, I am not in denial that we are naive and have never been exposed to a crying baby with lack of sleep. It has always been something you can walk away from. You hear a cry at the supermarket, the airport, you can always turn a blind eye or just turn up the music.
We are excited to see what happens to us like some sort of mad science experiment. We know everything will change but we don't know how yet. The baby situation seems to fit into some formula that we will eventually fall into too. There are charts and statistics of hourly increments when baby will cry, you will feed, change the diaper. It's been studied for years with millions of infants. I want our experience to break the mold. I'm hoping to revert to instinct than follow the step by step instructions that have been given to us. But we'll see. These methods are tried and proven and most likely, we'll get tired of being rebels.

The baby shower went great! I felt like I was 4 again with all my besties over giving me large frilly gifts. The only thing missing was the cake and ice cream. It was all so well planned and perfect and everyone who said they were coming showed up. My mother and Kim certainly had their moments of disagreement but made sure that I was to do nothing. I was so grateful as exhaustion comes to me very easily and just cleaning the house had been overwhelming.
The boys took off on a hike in the Gorge and us ladies just clucked all afternoon. I loved witnessing all walks of life coming together to talk about babies or plants or hair or whatever was clucked. There was plenty of champagne and catered food goodies (from the prestigious jewish deli Kenny and Zukes) which was delicious. Kim had worked hard for a group participation activity of everyone coloring in a fabric square in order to make a quilt for little Ryden. It was the perfect placeholder for games as everyone poured their energy and creativity into their squares. The results were very impressive and we look forward to see the finished result after Kim sews it all together. It's the most precious gesture I have ever had done for me.
Ryden got a whole load of fun stuff to get him started in life. Onesies, towels, burp towels, a tub, slings, a bouncer.... I think we can finally say we are ready for this arrival. I am furiously trying to get out Thank Yous this week as it means the world to us and these people that we have in our lives are so special and even though some are much farther than we prefer, we hope that they can always be a part of our and Ryden's life.

Posted in: on August 25, 2010 at at 9:11:00 PM 2 comments  

Belly Day!

Today was about the belly, not to mention the contents inside. I was über excited for my ultrasound today which seemed to take place at a slightly swankier lab. I had the same tech whose only mission was to look at my cervix but gave me a tour regardless. Ryden was being fussy or perhaps overly stimulated by the instrument sweeping across his shallow egg shell. The tech was unable to see the cervix due to Ry's head being in the way so she tilted my chair back so I was nearly upside down to get him to lay off. She was able to capture some mediocre pictures so she moved on to get me some cute face shots. She whipped out a slightly larger hardware the size of a deodorant and tried to capture a 3D image of the face.
3D ultrasounds are tricky. I was unaware that the clinic had this ability but since I had extra time the tech gave it a run. The software threatened to crash the computer while she navigated to find a perfect profile. Once the device finds it's target, it locks on and the software circumvents the object to create the 3D image. The moments of opportunity are fleeting and nothing can obstruct said object. So she focused on the profile of the face in order to capture the front in 3D but at the last second, Ry would put his hand in front of his mouth ruining the image. We tried everything to get him to move it. She poked and I rolled on my side. He put up a good fight. At last when the offensive hand was removed he came down with a bout of hiccups which once again ruined the images. The only one we got is a profile with his thumb seemingly up his nose.


Back on the 2D, it was discovered that Ry's face was difficult to capture anyway as there was little amniotic fluid between it and the uterus wall. A picture was managed from the view angle below looking up his nostrils in the middle of a yawn. Awwww....


Ryden weighed in at about 4lbs. 10 oz. Getting too big for this ultrasound business. His torso measured average within the 49% percentile of his age, the femur a bit on the shorter side and the head circumference in the 91% percentile. The tech asked if big heads ran in the family.. (Thanks a LOT Cam!)


After visiting with the doctor, a different woman, since my normal OB was unavailable, I was a bit clearer of the process of what to expect when I found myself in labor and how to get to the hospital and what to do. Useful stuff! Now, onto the super fun relaxing part!




Melanie at Blue Lotus Design is a wonderful henna artist and is influenced by all different cultures but has found her own style and niche in the market of body henna. Having grown up in Auckland and traveling all over the world from India to Thailand, she is a fascinating person to work with and talk to. The design took maybe an hour and a half and is one of my favorite ways to spend an afternoon. Last time I worked with Melanie, she had had to help me out of her house after doing henna on my arms while I was still on crutches. Regardless to say, she remembered me well. At this point, Ryden was on a rampage. I can hardly get him to so much as blink when I ask people if they want to touch the belly, but the henna made him wild. Melanie compared my stomach to a waterbed in the way it was flowing around. She has worked with over 40 bellies and said mine was one the most active she'd seen. Some of the design had to be retouched from the baby wrath but all in all, it was a beautiful result that was not of the conventional preggy design. Now I feel all pretty for the Shower on Sunday, but still slightly self conscious to go to the store with just the belly bared.

Posted in: on August 16, 2010 at at 7:27:00 PM 0 comments  

33 weeks


Yep. I'm almost done! I kinda don't know how I got here so fast. This summer has breezed by, like summers always do. Only this time, I have gone to far less festivals and bars and it's still been a blast. I can feel the lull now though. The cumbersome third trimester is taking its toll. I can feel the extra weight pulling me down and the whining and self pity going up. Cam and I laugh about it as I am not in denial about this. I work all day on my feet and want nothing more than to just go to bed when I get home. Food is still an issue and I find myself avoiding meal times; able to eat a carrot here or a yogurt there. Its a struggle to put away the proper amount of calories as I just don't feel I have the room. I'm trying though, don't you worry.

Ryden is roaming more and more every day. Despite my lack of mass nutrition, I can feel him growing larger and stronger. Cam and I have desperately tried capturing the alien movements made just underneath the skin on film to no prevail. Regardless, he is getting more and more attention. The bigger I get, the nicer of folk I deal with at work. I'm not sure how pregnant women get such a bad rap in the third trimester for being so moody and bitter. I am overly bubbly for my condition. For the record, not a single stranger has tried touching my belly and I'm kinda disappointed.

We feel unbelievably well prepared for Rydens arrival. He has a beautiful nursery, a name, insurance coverage, two passports in the making, two parents bursting with love and a birth plan. Coming home seems like a brick wall of boredom now. Working on the house or Ry's room has come to a halt as we are now happy in the space we are living. You cannot create personality in a space. It is something that develops over time. So thats all we have to wait for now.
Speaking of birth plans, what a perfect example of an American absurdity. Since everything needs to be planned and perfect for the precious moment, lets make sure that our doctor knows that we want to be in a specific space with specific people with specific music playing on our favorite speakers and our professional photographer present and our car to be valet parked on arrival. I guarantee any birth plan ever made has been disregarded the moment of the water breaking. Its a game of survival from there on out. You'll be lucky if you get to the right hospital not to mention the right doctor being there. Sorry to be the cynic but I'm looking forward to the spin of adrenaline and avoiding death in the delivery room. Thats my birth plan. To squeeze out a baby and get to keep it.

This weekend is fun preggy pampering time! I'll be trying out how a pregnant massage is done and then getting my belly hennaed to look pretty for the baby shower next weekend! Should be a nice relaxing time where I can just concentrate on all things ME. Don't get me wrong, I love solving people's problems all day long, I just think I need to be milking the preg thing a bit further. Women seem to coo over a pregnancy stating that "boys love their mommas!" quite consistently whereas guys are just really proud that you're actually pregnant after asking "so when are you due?" and wiping away a bead of sweat. What can I say, the bump is a conversation starter.


Posted in: on August 12, 2010 at at 9:59:00 PM 2 comments  

Mural





Is in progress! We should be wrapping up by next week abouts. Cam and I have had an awesome time doing it. This is what owning a house is all about and although we have already done a lot of painting and preening, Ryden's room is by far the most extensive when it comes to color and comfort. Full wall coming soon!

Posted in: on July 19, 2010 at at 4:22:00 PM 1 comments  

Crikey! Its the Third Trimester!


A client at work confessed a secret to me. She thought she was pregnant. She hadn't taken a test or told her partner, but she felt pretty sure and was excited to reveal this to me. I of course shared in her enthusiasm, as I was very suspicious from the beginning that my body was trying to tell me something and its only a feeling that you can keep to yourself until your tested. With my new superpower of trust, I had never had a stranger divulge such sentimental information and was kinda touched. I have talked to plenty of women who have already had their first and they are always excited to talk to me about what I'm going through but this recent situation was the first where I have been ahead of someone else, being able to be the wiser, the elder with homegrown advice.
In contrast, another client comes in with her 4 month old. She tells me that I shouldn't expect the first 3 months to be as dreamy as everyone claims. As a matter of fact, its grueling and exhausting- but it all pays off eventually. I smiled and nodded in understanding. Sounds like she had been through the ringer but her rose cheeked cherub did indeed to be bubbling with happiness at the moment. I, of course, couldn't really relate to the poor woman. I have good strong support from a loving husband and friends around me. I am prepared to take on the work and it will pass, and I'll say "that wasn't as bad as they said it would be." There's bigger things to be worried about that come with the territory of raising a family.
On the other hand, I had another appointment and ultrasound today. Not a lot of information except that my cervix looks "perfect." I know you were dying to know the condition of my cervix. I also talked to my OB about flying at the end of the month as Cam and I will be cruising around Yellowstone for a weekend. She shrugged and stated that I could fly up until my last weeks, 40 being the week I'm due to deliver. Her theory was if I am on a plane with a couple hundred other people, that somebody has to have a condition that could go awry and it would most likely not be me. The main problem with flying in my 3rd trimester is that I can cramped and swollen if traveling for a long amount of time and walks up and down the isle every hour are recommended.
Also, the delicate issue of circumcision came up as the majority of people I have talked to are against it. Culturally, at least %60 of Americans are for the cut, but I would say in Oregon that number could be more like %20. Being primarily a cosmetic surgery, I would say that larger metropolitan cities would have a higher rate but there is no extra medical reason to have the procedure done. I asked my OB what reasoning new parents had for getting the surgery and her reply was simple; daddy wants his son to look like him. There are religious and tradition reasons as well, but without having these legs to stand on, I feel that I would be a sheep to do this non-concensual procedure. Any feedback is welcome!
After that discussion, my OB measured my tummy. Her eyes widened as both of us are a bit incredulous at how big I've gotten in the last two weeks. As you can tell from the pic above, I feel like a spontaneous birth could happen at any moment. I have made reservations for the hospital we plan to land at and have also chosen a pediatrician from the recommendation of a friend. I would sign up for pre-schools already if I wasn't so taken aback by the tuition rates for some of the schools. Apparently, if you want to get into a "good pre-school" doing it a couple years early doesn't hurt. But I don't want to pay as much MY college tuition for such an opportunity. Meanwhile, we have to throw more money at IKEA in order to get Ryden's room together before August! Hopefully pics soon!

Posted in: on July 2, 2010 at at 10:32:00 PM 3 comments  

Advice


There is a lot of information out there for pregnant women to learn about what's happenning to them physically and emotionally but the department for future dads seems lacking. In my 26th week, I can read about latest devopments in deep scientific detail of Rydens new form on my iPhone with an app called iPregnancy. However, the opinion from the doctor, whose view the app is based, has a hilarious idea of what the role of dads is. We must have missed the focus group meeting.
Week 26- Daddies

• This week it would make your partner incredibly happy if you would clean the bathroom, top to bottom, as a surprise. Maybe you could fold the laundry, too, without being asked.

• While you’re at it, one day, why not surprise her with a snack while she is watching TV?

• Another way you could make her day would be to pack her a delicious lunch to take to work. If you don’t know how to do this or to cook, go to a gourmet store and buy the ingredients there. She is worth it.

• Finally, take her to the movies. A romantic comedy would make her the happiest. This may be the last time you two can go to the movies for a long time. Even if you would prefer an action adventure film, enjoy the one she would like!



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Location:Boardman,United States

Posted in: on June 27, 2010 at at 4:14:00 PM 0 comments  

Ch Ch Ch Changes!



How peculiar to suddenly become recognized as a future Mom in so many different places. The first guy was on the plane on our way to New York and asked how months in I was. Coming from a guy, this question was a bold move on his part but I was thrilled to answer and chat with him while waiting in the narrow bathroom line. His wife had had 5 so far therefore felt experienced enough initiate discussion. The bump is moving in and there is no stopping it.
While in NY and Rhode Island, the cute dresses I chose to wear were nothing more than exposing of the bump situation and I feel like I am settling into more and more. I have noted however, that I have lost weight although Ryden continues to gain it. He may weigh as much as 2lbs as we approach the 3rd trimester but the other 8lbs seems to be just collected water and placenta weight while I continue to lose mass in my arms in legs. I can't be complaining I suppose but I hope that I am doing everything I can to get Ryden what he needs to grow. Plus the lack of exercise is starting to cause my inactive calves to cramp at night.
Fortunately, I just recently won a gym membership at a gym one block from work. Working on the elliptical machine is all I need to not feel fat and stretch all the tightened ligaments from sitting around airports and idle standing around at work all day. It's all I need to feel human again and less grumpy about not being athletic anymore.
Cam takes great interest in the bump. He can't help but to reach it for it first when giving me a hug or see if Ryden is dancing around as we go to bed. The movement is much more pronounced now even slow turning under the hand. I can't see this interaction ever getting old.
I gave Cam a wonderful Father-to-be Day gift on Sunday morning of a hand-bound baby book for Ryden personalized with his name on the front and many custom pages for information inside that will be filled in over time. We spent the good part of an hour filling in the family tree, favorite books and movies, current day fashions, alternative names if we had a girl and lastly, our reactions to finding out he was a boy. Of course you have to be careful when you put this information in a baby book as its words will burn their way into the history of family lineage. It was such a picture perfect family moment as we placed the first ultrasound picture on the first page. I hope Ryden is ready for all the love that will be flooded his way as he floods out.

So handsome!



Im the only one that looks cute in this picture, therefore it has been uploaded



Posted in: on June 22, 2010 at at 7:05:00 PM 2 comments  

Nursery Thematics

Since you ask, here is what we've compiled. Taking pictures of colors seems to not work well so here are some links to the samples. Colors on your screen may differ from mine, but it shouldn't be a concern as this nursery is not going to be pictured in a magazine anytime soon. Maybe it will for eccentricity though..

Cam and I have plans. The foundation color is light green.


Light Green

And then accenting with stencil designs will be ....


Green

and

Cityscape
and

Gabardine

And I have ordered a rocking chair and ottoman that will offset the whole group..


Orange Chair

The crib and matching changing table are a rich dark brown wood so will match anything. The whole thing is a work in progress but will have personality in due time! Stay tuned for awesomeness.

Posted in: on June 2, 2010 at at 4:49:00 PM 0 comments  

Meet Ryden


The newest member of the Garbooth family has made his existence known more than ever this week. Reaching a new height of awareness, not only has he performed well in ultrasounds but is starting to thrash a storm and ready to expend new energy with his new little body. We are excited to have him on board and by shaping the path of our lives from here on in, let us reminisce of past Friday.I was as anxious as ever, having dreams all night of the fateful appointment where we would finally know wether I was carrying a boy or a girl. Although a boy had been hinted at in the past, I'll admit, I had always envisioned a girl. Cam and I played upon this fantasy with a ring on a chain test and talked about people we knew whose child had been diagnosed the wrong gender. I had seen myself with a baby girl since the night I had a dream about her and two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Even with these high hopes, the possibility of a boy loomed and I was struck by that reality at the last appointment.
Going into the ultrasound, the tech immediately asked if we were interested in finding out today. Cam and I were more than enthusiastic. It maybe took the tech 30 seconds to locate the group of pixels that she clearly identified as a scrotum. I was immediately accepting of this fact and gave Cam's hand a squeeze. The burden of mystery was off our shoulders but there was little time to dwell on it as the tech took us on a tour of other features our new addition had to offer. He had what looked like a handsome profile with no trace of a cleft lip or, my worst nightmare, missing facial features. He had the right number of kidneys and chambers in his heart. She traced the main arteries which showed up on the grey screen as red and blue and all seemed to be in order due to her bird like head reactions as she gauged the screen. Along the journey, she took some adorable pictures.



little feet!

a beefy man leg complete with bones.

boy bits complete with white arrow.


and a beautiful silhouette of our protagonist! He's kinda grabbing a foot while a hand is suspended above his face. Looks like that head is going to be as big as Cams... *wince*

The session was done in no time and soon we were wisked off to talk to the doc. She had nothing to report as nothing looked awry on the charts but before she could sneak off, I had her do a quick doppler of the heartbeat so I could record it for everyone. In a couple of weeks I should be able to hear it through a stethoscope!


With no crises to panic about, my mind wandered back to how to analyze my gender preferences. After calls and celebration drinks with Kim, I had to still push myself to believe I could get along with a baby boy. My reasoning wrapped around the fact that everyone I seemed to know had a boy. Good friends, coworkers, neighbors had all produced boys. Cam had only grown up with brothers and was ready for a change to the feminine perspective. The ratio seemed unbalanced, the world off kilter. By having a girl, I could be unique, standing out with an adorable pink clad being amongst the masculinity. Barbies and bows are what I know and Thomas the Tank Engine is not what I want to get into. My little breakdown didn't last too long while Cam and I talked it through when our new little guy broke into a fit of thrusting and kicking. Within minutes, the grins on our faces couldn't be removed. Already a little attention seeker, he soothed my mind with his eagerness. And with that he was graduated up from our baby boy to little Ryden. He told us we needed to buck up and stop whimpering and that he needed a double of mango juice asap. So wise for his years. Our little bub.


The next day I felt like the new chapter had begun. My life has been chartered and I'm pretty excited to get going. Quitting my job will be sad but giving Ryden the best start in life and staying home for a year or two will be ultra fulfilling. His room is coming together nicely with the new crib from Grandpa R and matching changing table that I picked up today. Despite that paper lanterns and paper crane mobiles sounds a little girly, I'm putting them together anyway because Ryden will like them regardless. He will need just a couple of more things to get him up to speed so I have put a registry together here. Many small things are playful and suggestive and I have collaborated a lot of sites together here so registries may not be at all sites visited.





Posted in: on May 23, 2010 at at 3:18:00 PM 1 comments  

Memory

The child walked up to his mother and asked "Mommy? Did I used to live in your belly?"

Startled, the mother said "Yes sweetie, you certainly did. Do you remember that?" The child contemplated and then nodded.
"Yes, it was really dark and I was curled up reeaal tight, like this." With that, the child brought his fists up to his small face and crouched in a ball. Becoming a bit more alarmed, the mother asked if he had been comfortable there. The child replied, "Yes, it was ok but there was something poking me." The intense memory of displacing a rib rushed back to the Mother's memory just as the child added, "and there was something loud always behind me." During the pregnancy, the baby had his head facing downwards as the Mother's heart was always beating over his back.
Suddenly, the child gasped "Mommy! Did I hurt you?" and with tears rolling down her face the Mother hugged her son to her tightly.
"Yes dear, you hurt me"
"It hurt me too, Mommy," the child said through her hair.

-Conversation with Lee Ann about an account between her friend and her four year old.

Posted in: on May 10, 2010 at at 11:52:00 AM 0 comments  

17 weeks 4 days

Just a regular appointment today... kinda.


I was a bit anxious about this one. In the last couple of days, I've been concerned that my clinic wasn't really meeting the bar when it came to client service standards. According to a few people who are either expecting or have already given birth, my clinic seems sub-par. Being draped with attention isn't what I demand, but neither do I want to just be treated as a number as I felt yesterday when calling my clinic hoping to get an answer about a mild twang of pain in my lower abdomen. The receptionist answered and as I expected, informed me that a nurse would pull my file and call me back with an answer to my query. I wasn't satisfied with this answer as I had just stepped out of work in order to make the call. Waiting for a call back could take a matter of a minutes to half an hour depending on the rush of calls that they were having and my call would be would be attended to in the order it was received. Being put on hold wasn't an option and the receptionist was not qualified to make an opinion. Annoyed, I didn't leave a message but hung up. I had an appointment the next day and it wasn't urgent. I had just wanted to test the waters of the system and found the results tepid. I just want to be able to call when the matter IS urgent and to speak to someone immediately who can help.

After a fretful night of thinking I was going to walk into my appointment and lose my temper, I thankfully found the whole experience refreshingly communicative. I was thrilled to actually speak to my OB, as opposed to the nurse, who reset my expectations of how the office works. She would never be available to speak to me over the phone unfortunately as she is helping patients all day long. In an urgent situation, my call is bumped to priority and as there are only one or two nurses in this small clinic, they would call me back asap or page the nearest doctor if the case turned out I was giving birth. My OB is the type who is always leaning toward the door unless you can throw another lasso of questions at her so I made sure to quickly verify that she would be able to make it to the hospital when I go into labor. In reply, she explained that within the clinic network was a group of doctors who responded to the page if she was out or off duty. If she was not present for the actual delivery, someone responsible and dependent would be. I understand why the process needs to be done this way, and it has been successful, no doubt, in dozens of instances. However, perhaps the American in me, was expecting to get her cell number from day one so we could be best friends and she could listen to every pregnancy woe I could bray. In the real world, if you want to have your baby in a hospital with insurance, you follow the protocol. In other cases, like a friend of mine who's having a home birth, the personal attention level between her and her midwife will greatly differ from my experience. My friend and this woman are no doubt getting to know each other on a much more personal level. I've chosen my path and others will choose theirs and I should just consider myself damn lucky for having insurance at all with a house to go home to and a gorgeous wonderful husband who cooks me steak for dinner. And for going through the paces of todays appointment without a hitch, with a regular heartbeat, and donating a pint of blood for more tests that I'm sure will come out negative, no wonder I don't get any extra attention. Amen!

So just a run down of what ELSE happened at the appointment. I signed up to do the AFP (Alpha-Fetoprotein) test which is the final step in making sure the bub doesn't have Down Syndrome. Always good to know I guess. Cam and I declined the Cystic Fibrosis test which is an expensive test that may not be covered under insurance. It was explained that either of us could be a carrier of the disease without knowing it and if we were to both have it, there was a 25% chance it could be passed to the baby. It's nice to know that these tests are available but the chances of the CF test being applicable to Cam and I were a bit unrealistic. Although I didn't have an ultrasound at this appointment, the heartbeat was still audible using a small handheld doppler device. I wish they could record that sound for me so I could share it. Next appointment should be a big one though coming up in 3 weeks! The sex should be determined as well as us being able to make sure all the major organs are in the right places! Fun!

Posted in: on April 21, 2010 at at 7:07:00 PM 2 comments  

I hate food

Well, I've killed the stereotype of the pregnant wife barefoot in the kitchen. I can't stand the sight of food. But then all of the sudden if I don't have a banana, someone may get hurt if they are in my way. Luckily, with my husbands invested interest in my condition, I am suddenly presented with a spread of pork medallion, potatoes, brocolli, biscuits and gravy. If I wash it all down with glass of milk, then my aversion is suddenly set back to square one and the cycle begins again.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Fred Meyers

Posted in: on April 10, 2010 at at 8:11:00 PM 0 comments  

Moving: The Movie™



Moving day was awesome, tiring, annoying and fun all at the same time. Thanks to all our wonderful friends who pitched in and made the day go quickly... the beer was all the sweeter because of your hard work! We're now well and truly settled into our new home, although there's still much unpacking and cleaning before it truly feels "ours"!

Posted in: , , on April 4, 2010 at at 9:46:00 PM 0 comments  

A Human!

It's gettin real over here folks. Just look at this bub just laying back waiting for it's next feed. Just moochin away with the legs all stretched out floating comfortably in placenta. These images seems to show you so much if you trust the pixels you're looking at. The skull and brain are all in good form and bones are standing out more on the images than before. The heart was visibly pumping blood and the tech noted the kidneys and bladder were all up in full filter mode. Definitely has Cameron's nose I'd say...


Now it's just waving hey!


A footsie!

And cut to wide shot

Posted in: on March 28, 2010 at at 9:26:00 PM 1 comments  

Checkup 12 weeks 4 days

Pictures are coming but we still have to find our scanner in order to share them! The doctors appointment yesterday went swimmingly and Cam finally got to meet our normal OB.

First, of course, we had another ultrasound which is still very novel to us but can see how it may become a stressful practice as more detail will be noticed each visit, and discrepancies pointed out. This time, the whole fetus (as it is now officially called!) was viewable, laying on its back with the legs up. The tech pointed out that its position couldn't have been more perfect but was concerned with a particular fluid building up behind the neck. When asked what kind of fluid, she said she couldn't be sure. But meanwhile! The heart was steady, kidneys and bladder were seen and functioning, and of course, the brain seemed to look like a real brain! The tech had a guess on the sex but couldn't be completely sure until my next ultrasound which will be another 8 weeks. What she said we won't repeat so we can keep you all in suspense!
Meeting the OB went well and she did her own poke and prod exam. A vial of my blood was taken in order to perform the nucleal transparency test and Cam nearly lost it as she drew it out of me. After she answered a few of our questions and we arranged my next appointment, Cam said that "she was cute" and didn't know what my beef was. She was definitely nicer, as my tests previous had all come back negative which makes everyone's lives easier.
Afterwards, with our after-appointment-glow, we went and cleaned the old house. I was pretty exhausted after working and then going through the exam and tried to contribute the best I could. We are pretty much done with the old place and ready to hand back the keys! Can't wait to finally throw our energy into the new house which needs some big time TLC. My overacting olfactories are completely against the "new house smell" and re-cleaning it seems like the only way to diminish my opposition. More pictures of the house coming soon too! We really need to get our internet in gear so I don't have to write blogs at work :D

Edit 3/26:
Cam feels the need for me to explain the full scope of the fluid issue. The previous account states how I understood the fluid to be a concern but really all is perfectly normal. The tech needed to measure the amount of fluid as part of the nucheal trans test and too much or too little could have led to further tests to make sure that Down Syndrome was not a possibility. The blood test was a follow up to make sure that all was sound. Cam would also like to voice that the blood did not put him off. It just gushed into the test tube in a way that was unexpected and therefore a short breath was heard from his direction.

Posted in: on March 25, 2010 at at 12:07:00 PM 1 comments  

Luggin the Lime

Thats preggers talk! Check out some Cannon Beach photos when Cam girl-napped me Wednesday night to celebrate the signing for our new house!










Posted in: on March 19, 2010 at at 10:04:00 AM 0 comments  

These days things are getting interesting! Today Cam and I sign a hundred pieces of paper for our new abode! I'm feeling anxious of moving everything and accomplishing everything that I want to do to our new house. Luckily, there is no fixing up to do but there is a lot of painting in order to make it our own. Moving day is Sunday so far and we will have a few friends helping us move boxes of transformers and goods. Hopefully, I'll feel up for documenting the event, maybe with some video!

Cam has been supporting me and my mood swings a lot lately. Yesterday, I felt on top of the world but last night I felt so drained and heavy, I had to go bed barely able to eat a PB&J. Our photo shoot of my preg progress has fallen behind as I have little energy after work to get any of my million projects worked on. This morning, having nothing in my stomach I was super nauseous and caused more concern to Cam who now knows he has to force me to eat when I'm feeling my lowest. Other than that, I have forgotten for awhile that I am pregnant. I eat the same as I always have but am more conscious of eating more vegetables and better nutrients. I should be eating more than I am, but it is difficult to get past the mentality of feeling gluttonous and heavy after always feeling the need to be fit my whole life. As I begin to show more, which is very slight at the moment, this mentality should pass and I'll start to accept the whole thing.
Work hasn't changed too much and neither have people's attitudes toward me. When I first told coworkers, they would go out of their way to help me out but now it seems to have fallen out of attention. I pay slightly more attention to children than I used to but am still wary of them. They are strange and unpredictable. Cam is a child's favorite as proven when he went and hung out with a friends two year old the other day. He has also had little contact with children but really enjoyed reading to him and playing with his toys with him. The kid was a wreck when he finally had to be put down to bed and made quite the commotion.
Doctors appointment is next Wednesday so more pictures are coming! Stay tuned! Hopefully, we will work with our regularly scheduled OB and all goes well!

Posted in: on March 17, 2010 at at 9:25:00 AM 0 comments  

Tuesday


Had a great weekend entertaining long lost friend Carrie who I went to school with at Sydney Uni! I had promised her bands and booze a few months ago but the my new ordeal changed things up a bit. We galavanted all over Portland and Cam and Kim loved hearing of her round the world adventures. The timing may have been off, but good times were had and Cam and I are now working to move into our new house which closes on the 19th! Once in, then the nesting can begin... And expect a couple more updates from me now that I have this new iPhone app to help me keep the blog alive and not bother the Facebook folk with growing pains. Until next time..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Work

Posted in: on March 2, 2010 at at 4:35:00 PM 1 comments  

8 Weeks 3 Days


Back from the second checkup today!

This time with Cam in tow, we had an ultrasound which was much clearer than only two weeks before. The head and little stub arms were visible as well as the tiny heartbeat going the rate of a squirrels. The tech measured the heart rate to make sure it was regular and checked around the area to make sure nothing else strange was growing near the fetus. Lastly, she let us hear the heartbeat through the equipment and sure enough the thing was beating away making us realize that this being was now on it's own, making its own blood, making its own journey from here on out. We just had to guide it and nurture it and see how it shapes out. Now having two hearts in my body, I was still a bit foggy how the machine was able to determine that one little beating organ from the other dominate one. Cam on the other hand was going through a life changing epiphany complete with shivers and a momentous sense of awe.
From there we were then directed to the examination room where I met my substitute doctor as my original OB was on vacation(?) The new doc was extremely personable and made us laugh throughout my poke-and-prod exam. From there we sat with him in his office as he put on the serious doctor face and gave us the low down of what to expect in the next few months. There were tests to be taken, if elected, including a Nucheal Translucency to test for Down syndrome and a Cystic Fibrosis Carrier test. Both sounded like the chances were slim but risky if not caught early. He went over meds I could take and drugs I should stop taking (cocaine and meth will be the hardest) but I felt like I had already been educated in most of the topics due to some heavy book reading in the past couple of weeks. Cam, of course absorbed the info like a sponge and was so glad that he came along. I thanked Dr. F as I was so grateful for his welcoming attitude and cool demeanor. Unfortunately, I could not betray my original OB and switch teams, not because of loyalty, but because she was the only one who would travel to my insured hospital for the delivery. C'est la vie! As Dr. F is in the same clinic though, its nice to know that he is there, always looking out for patients whose regular docs are on vacation.
Meanwhile, Cam is taking care of me in the best way he knows how. His support is through the roof and I couldn't be any luckier. And as for the gummy bear, you don't know it yet, but you're pretty lucky too.

Posted in: , on February 23, 2010 at at 8:21:00 PM 3 comments  

7 Weeks 1 Day

It's Cam's birthday today! So far I have made him feel extra special by reminding him of the miracle of life inside me and the nausea that it brings. By not eating in my sleep, I wake up feeling fine for about 20 minutes until my body turns on me. Of course eating crackers in the middle of the night is not very appealing and I'm still getting into a rhythm of how this all works. Tonight we'll have a few people over, grill up some steaks and see how I last. Having quite a few errands to run today, hopefully I can keep it together enough for Cam to have an enjoyable day :)

Posted in: , , on February 15, 2010 at at 10:44:00 AM 0 comments  

5 Weeks 6 Days

I am starting this blog a bit late. But as with all situations as delicate as this, rushing is something that one needs to resist. But now, all seems "safe" enough to proceed and publicly shout "Hey look! Im not broken after all!"

My first appointment to the doctor produced these results with the ultrasound. The technician seemed disgruntled at her findings as the details are difficult to make out. I pointed this out to her and expressed, I was more than thrilled to see what she was seeing. However, I am still a bit disappointed at the quality of ultrasounds as I feel technology should have developed a bit better by now, being a futuristic year of 2010, to be able to see a 2mm speck in my uterus as clearly as if was being featured on BBCs Planet Earth. But alas, its still grainy black and white and we see a large black blob, being the yolk, with a tiny arrow (not part of the fetus unfortunately) pointing to what should be the important developing bits.


My technician didn't seem to be enjoying her job when I couldn't think of anything more exciting to do every day. No worry though, my bubbliness will see me through this, until I met up with my doctor.
She meets me in her office and looks over my chart. With an intense glare, she demands why I haven't been in in the last year for a check up on a procedure I had back in late 2008. Good question. My excuses are meager, like having no idea that she wanted me to come back for a check up. There could be complications down the road if I have any high level CIN squamous cells left in my cervix she explains. I agree, that should be made a priority for my health that this be taken care of. We make an appointment for two weeks from the day and she leaves the room. Kind of left in a shock, I leave the office wondering what I should be more concerned about: my doctor being furious at me, or me just being happy because the appointment was indeed a success. To be continued...

Posted in: , on February 7, 2010 at at 10:22:00 AM 3 comments  

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