Chaos Love: love, life, design and more.

So much has happened in the last week that I feel this post is not only tardy but will never be able to cover the overwhelming amount of emotion, and events that have flown in and out. My life has flipped inside out and the ride isn't even near over. Testing your true strength is the name of the new game and I have been tested from every possible angle.

The birth went great, as best as births could go as I got a healthy baby out of the deal and I made it out in one piece. Ryden arrived at 6:30pm on Saturday night, October 2nd which was his due date. It was a one day affair, when I started to labor at about 1am and had Cam massaging my back until 1pm until I finally gave up and accepted the epidural. It was a beautiful and magical drug but I felt like I was letting myself down by taking it. There was no way to progress without it though, I was in desperate need of a rest. The end had not yet been predicted. As my designated OB was unavailable, I was working with a slew of wonderful nurses and a different OB, a woman who more or less already had a lot of patients on her plate that day. A few procedures were done in order to speed me up which were all hard to fight against in my position. The baby was in no danger, but my amniotic sac had ruptured Friday afternoon, so time was of the essence when it came down to my risk of infection. My cervix was not behaving due to a small bit of scar tissue which would not efface with the rest of the tissue and solving this problem took the team much longer than anticipated to resolve. If it hadn't been for that scar tissue, which was the byproduct from a procedure I had had two years prior to remove squamous cells, Ryden would have been out in 6 hours tops, drug free. Despite that the process took much longer, and put everyone through more exhaustion, nothing beats the moment when Ryden was suddenly evicted and I was reminded 5 times to open my eyes to see him for the first time. It's a pure wonder of science that I was able to create the organism put on my chest who then started to emit a cry. I looked up and saw Cam crying and the hyper reality of the situation hit my brain and all I could do was stare at this new being and think "God, I did it!"

When it comes down to recounting the greatest moments of your life, I cannot think of an event that seemed like such an impossible journey to seeing such a welcome outcome like giving birth to perfect, breathing, adorable Ryden. I feel I need to put this momentous deed on my resume, outlining the steps taken to achieve the goal, bulletpointing the challenges I faced and lastly, pulling through to the end of the deadline. Such achievement! Of course, I shouldn't be giving myself all the credit. Not only did Cam do his fair share of labor, but all of the wonderful nurses who were on shift that night who waited on us hand and foot to make sure we were doing ok. My amazing sister who showed up early expecting a birth only to hang around for hours and hours and eventually have to participate in the action by holding my legs up for when I had to push! And my supportive mother who showed up just in time to cheer me on (much to the nurses' annoyance) when it down to the prime moment. There is no way I could have done it on my own.

But wait, theres more! Not only do I feel at the top of the world for creating a baby, but now we get to raise him too! It's almost like I hadn't thought this far into the future. When Cam and I finally had to leave our resort-like hospital accommodation, we were giddy at the fact that we were able to put this new being in our car and drive away. An odd feeling that the car seat that we'd installed weeks ahead of time was finally being used and its purpose skyrocketing into dutiful action.

Ryden didn't say much about the beautiful nursery we'd prepared for him or the adorable clothes we put him in. He really wanted to sleep and for the first couple of nights, Cam and I had to rouse him in order to feed or change a diaper. It swung differently soon after when Ry took the wheel and let his attendees know when he needed attention. The work is no doubt demanding but rewarding every time we see Ry's little face looking so placid in his sleep.

Ryden has forced us to slow down. We ponder a bit more, when feeding him, soothing him and rocking him. My hormones are ramped up to 11 and sometimes I can be deep in thought looking at him and burst into tears. The sound of a heartbeat from the baby noise app on my iphone can also emit a gush as I think about him listening to my heart his whole existence to this point and me listening to his throughout the entire birth process on the monitors. Such an intimate sound it is to me now. Cam is calm and understanding through of all this which makes us a very happy team and we couldn't feel closer together than we do now.

Pictures on Chaosgurls Flickr page!